'Trust Me, I'm Dr. Ozzy': I read it so you don't have to!

We live in a world where Ozzy Osbourne, the “Prince of Darkness” himself, is now the author of not one but two books. His first book, the memoir I Am Ozzy, landed on the New York Times‘ best-seller list last year. And today his second work, Trust Me, I’m Dr. Ozzy: Advice from Rock’s Ultimate Survivor, hits shelves. And who knows? Maybe Dr. Ozzy will similarly find its way onto the best-seller list.

The idea for Dr. Ozzy stemmed from his gig as an advice columnist for The Sunday Times (a column also seen in select issues of Rolling Stone). The book, infused with his own personal stories, is mostly set up in a Q&A format where he answers a wide range of questions varying from sex to mental illness. And while he gives some surprisingly good advice at certain points, he acknowledges that he’s no expert: “I mean, unless the advice is how to end up dead or in jail, I’m not exactly qualified. I’m Ozzy Osbourne, not Oprah f—ing Winfrey.”

So I trudged through the 12-chapter book (so you don’t have to!) to pull out some of the more interesting points. And you can trust me on that. I’m NOT a doctor. Just like Ozzy Osbourne.

  • He calls himself a medical miracle, and multiple times refers to the fact that he’s survived all he’s been through. “It’s all very well going on a bender for a couple of weeks, but mine went on for the best part of 40 years.”
  • But he really has changed: “But I’m a different person now: I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I don’t get high—or least not on anything but endorphins from the jogging machine.”
  • The “Hot Ozzy” is his cure for the common cold: Two pints of whiskey, boil it on the stove, add a bit of lemon, then drink it as quickly as you can.
  • Too much information? Despite what we know about Ozzy’s past with bats, he’s now a “borderline vegetarian “because he finds it hard to digest red meat.”
  • A useful tip that no one would ever need: If you go to Sardinia, don’t eat Casu Marzu, which is sheep’s milk cheese infested with insect larvae.
  • Just say no: “Over the years I’ve taken every drug known to man, and I swear, nicotine is the worst. Take it from the Prince of Darkness: cigarettes are evil, man.”
  • Need a recipe for a morning jolt? Try Ozzy’s “Red Eye”: Brew a normal pot of filtered coffee, tip the coffee back into the filter and brew it again over the old grounds, add a shot of espresso. Stay awake forever.
  • This sentence: “Every so often I’ll have a really confusing dream—but never one where a zombie Ryan Seacrest is shooting blood from his eyeballs and trying to cut out my liver with a rusty steak knife.”
  • Stephen Colbert is a distant cousin of Ozzy’s. (He learned this after scientists sequenced his genome/studied his DNA. There’s a whole chapter on the results.) Other distant relatives of Ozzy: Henry “Skip” Gates, the original Jesse James, the last Russian Tsar Nicolas II, and George I of Britain. Also, he’s part Neanderthal.
  • I learned that “Paris Syndrome” is a real thing.
  • It took Ozzy 19 attempts to pass his driving test. He finally passed in October of 2009.
  • And finally, some good parting advice: “If you write to Dr. Ozzy to ask if something is right or wrong…you know it’s wrong.”
And there you have it, folks. Is that a good enough fix for Ozzy’s second book? Or do you think you’ll want to read the whole thing? Sound off in the comments.
Comments (16 total) Add your comment
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  • Double-Oh Seven

    Ozzy Osbourne is a Heavy Metal LEGEND. Proof? Ozzy was the lead singer for the first Heavy Metal band. Black Sabbath.

    • RRTyson

      um… thanks. Most of us had no clue that this “Dr. Ozzy” person was once a heavy metal LEGEND before becoming a doctor.

      • funchingo

        And we all know now that RRTyson is an @sshole!

  • oh yeah

    I wish Sharon would stop making him do stupid things just to make money!

    • Clete

      He’s always done stupid things. Why should he stop now?

  • linda

    I love you and your family I wish my family can meet your hang out over some dinner is a movie cuz ozzy you and sharon sound like us your books are good I have all of them great to haer that jack is doing good maybe we can see some babys soon my wish is I will like to hang out with your family and I will make dinner let me no any time loves from my family to yours

  • Patricia McCarty

    I don’t have much money these days at all but I plan to get both these books, hard cover. my big regret is Ozzy came to MY hometown and because I had no money for internet at the time, i missed the whole thing. It was announced 2 months in advance before the SF height Ave book signing, POO! practically my back yard. But, I did see him with Black Sabbath at ozfest in front row, that was wonderful! been a fan for 25 plus years now. I would still but the book because I am a fan, it matters not to me if Sharon made him do it for money or not, tho i rather doubt that! Ozzy doesn’t do everything she wants and even tosses a few birds out there she doesn’t want. If he did it, he wanted to, end of story. Therefore, if he wanted to, then it is OZZY and as a fan I’d want to have the book, end of story.

  • tresorparis

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  • tresorparis

    Thanks for interesting blog post. You guys are always provide information that it makes it impossible not to want to buy your next product ;I cant wait to see what you guys come up with based on all your research and data that you gather.

  • airmax90

    Interesting post and view, hope to hear more what the future holds THANKS Great post. Probably saved thousands of hours between everybody here. For me,this clearly is a heads up on which methods to focus on to maximise my online success . Ill start concentrating on your other articles instead. Really great advice. Thanks for sharing.

  • Lisa Pizanie

    I am trying to find both of your books for my daughter for Christmas! It sells out too quickly! She went to your last concert in TX and couldn’t speak for days from screaming! She absolutely Adores you! Can you help me out with just 1 signed book?
    Yours Truely
    Kelly’s Mom

  • MJO

    I love your site! I am a fan of these types of sites. I know they take a lot of time to build because I own a few myself. Good luck with it!

  • gabby boylhart

    were do i go to write to dr. ozzy like they do in his books?

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