Charlie Sheen's book of poetry: Putting the crazy to verse

Charlie-Sheen-book-poemsImage Credit: George Rose/Getty ImagesCharlie Sheen is a wordsmith, at least that much is abundantly clear from the last few days of complete Sheen overload. Say what you will about his lifestyle, mental state, personal character, or general status as a human being, but quotes like “I am battle-tested bayonets” and “can’t is the cancer of happen” sound more like they erupted half-formed from the mind of William S. Burroughs than the former star of Two and a Half Men.*

Well, it turns out that Sheen recognized his own bonkers lyricism and tried his hand at writing poems, even going so far as self-publishing a (now out-of-print) collection in 1990 which can be seen on Amazon. The book, called A Peace of My Mind and featuring illustrations by writer/director/Sheen-pal Adam Rifkin, presumably gives readers some insight into the cage-match of crazy that is Sheen’s unique worldview. Interestingly enough, it appears that Sheen also narrated some of his work for Rifkin’s film Tale of Two Sisters, the trailer for which can be found here. The movie looks like a grainy, early-John-Waters trip, but the real star is the poetry, which Sheen reads somberly and seriously. I’ve transcribed what’s in the trailer for your amusement and literary betterment.

Afternoon chaos turned to laughter,
As the lady in grey pierces the surface of the private aquarium,
Peach body held tight by the warmth of day,
Eyes fixed to locate, steady flow consumed,
A charred eruption takes suddenly the safety from her glow.
No place to hide, clear water raging black,
Looking hard for shallow hope, it’s gone, she consumed it.
Mascara bleeding, eyes of fire turned to stone,
Forced smile fading, laughing jackal breaks the leash.

*Interesting factoid: Both Burroughs and Sheen accidentally shot their significant other at some point in their lives. The more you know!

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  • lsc

    What tha???? Somebody’s got some splanin’ to doooo….
    What an idiot.

    • pengy

      The movie looks like a grainy, early-John-Waters trip, but the real star is the poetry, which Sheen reads somberly and seriously. I’ve transcribed what’s in the trailer for your amusement and literary betterment.I am an Air Force and single at present .I need a woman who can love me back ..I also uploaded my hot photos on Uniformedmate .C oM under the name of hoho212..It’s the largest and best club for seeking Army, Navy, Marines, Air Force, Police Force, and the admirers of those who wear the uniform.I just hope you don’t mind me being a soldier …Please Check it out!I’m serious.

  • fan

    can it be special ordered? please say yes!

  • There’s a goat …

    There’s a poem about a goat in his arse, priceless

  • Regina Phalange

    Sad little wore-out man. Been on top so long that he forgot that he was just second rate actor with only one joke. Time to go Charlie.

    • Shiny

      Do I detect a hint of River? If so, kudos…

  • bg

    Maybe this is the book deal he’s been talking about. Shopping around volume 2 of his poetry, possibly called “The Remaining Fragments of My Mind”. Go for it Charlie!

    • PR

      Best comment yet

  • tom

    If you know anything about poetry that’s actually not bad. You americans though, so quick to jump on successful people while you all have a family member or a friend who’s dead or dying while you turn a blind eye to their addictions. I couldn’t care less about Charlie Sheen, except to recognize how little I care about the mans critics.

    • Winning!

      Yes, yes, EVERYONE in America has a dying addict family member that we ignore so that we can poke fun at poor, sick Charlie Sheen. Stupid Americans! Gah!

    • Len

      No, that was actually REALLY bad.

      • Cookie

        No. It was pretty good. What do you know about it anyway?

    • imfach1

      I see Charley as a revel against all of what is U.S., I guess he knows U.S., can never fully be America. Real Humans don’t make Idols just to destroy then.

  • MACDONALDBANK

    GETTYMOVIE … Getty/Hitler Trilogy is dedicated to UCLA Professor Emeritus Gene Levine.
    I earned the Getty Oil Company shareholders 4 Billion Bucks
    On the Reserve acquisition; the way they treat me — it really sucks!
    As the Getty inheritors bask in glee;
    All I asked for was that they look after me.
    Four billion dollars they earned on Reserve
    My fee I surely deserve.
    It turns out J.P. Getty may have been a Nazi;
    His family even goes back to Germany.
    With Hitler, Goring & Goebbels he did stand;
    While trying to undermine the American land!
    For paintings & artifacts he did receive
    With his oil he was able to deceive?
    Hoover & the FBI and Roosevelt they knew
    That J.P. Getty & espionage he drew!
    Many a young lad and Jew did die
    As planes dropped bombs from the sky.
    For years while Getty sat in Berlin
    He may have committed many a sin.
    The ashes and smoke from the chimneys it rose
    While old man Getty sat cozy; he chose.
    With artwork held tightly under his arm
    Still dripping in blood — as the real owner met harm.
    Into the ovens & on meat-hooks, bullets between the eyes
    Listen very carefully you can still hear their cries!
    While the Gettys sit in England; at their estate at Wormsley
    And Gordon sings in San Francisco
    With his 727 in tow.
    The Getty museum sits atop Malibu
    While the corpses of World War 2 scream — J.P. Getty — We know you!

  • MJ

    Oh Wow! That makes my brain hurt.

  • Carlitos

    Charlie did it 4 teh LULZ!!!

  • Lore

    The mother (in the trailer) looks and sounds like Divine.

  • Daniel

    It is difficult to believe that Charlie Sheen used to be a good-looking guy instead of the wrinkled waste of a person he now is. He would do well as a poster boy for the dangers of a sex- and drug-addled lifestyle.

  • Geronimo idk

    I actually…like that poem.

  • Carlos estevez fan

    Awesome !

  • Ed

    Now everyone’s on the tortured poet bandwagon. I saw a tshirt on cafepress that says ‘I Have Aphrodite DNA.’ Apparently ladies want equal mythological beauty rights. At least we’re having fun

  • Cia

    clown man cries out loud
    mistakes brain burps for clever thoughts
    walk away, sorry clown

    • ZippyLong

      HAHAHAHAHA!

      Shriveled crack head w/ grandiosity abound
      blowing vomits “chucks” (LOL) all about town;
      desperate for attention from all, somebody
      cuz gutter rats love liekwise company…

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