'Nightlight': A 'Twilight' parody by the twisted minds at 'The Harvard Lampoon'

twilightFor the first time in 40 years, The Harvard Lampoon will publish a parody novel, this time putting a tongue-in-cheek spin on Stephenie Meyer’s best-selling Twilight series. Random House’s Vintage Books plans to release Nightlight as a paperback original on Nov. 3, just in time for the Nov. 20 opening of the Twilight movie sequel New Moon. “‘Funny’ might get you a blog post these days, but it’s the Lampoon-level of satire that makes Nightlight worth every pseudo-bloodsucking, angst-ridden page,” says a Vintage press release. “Nightlight stakes at the heart of what makes Twilight tick…or, really, cuts to the core of it…. Brooding and hilarious, let Nightlight be your guide through the Twilight fandom that has eclipsed the mind of every teenager you have ever met.” The last Harvard Lampoon satirical novel, a J.R.R. Tolkien send-up titled Bored of the Rings, was published in 1969.

According to the Vintage release, Nightlight follows a “pale and klutzy” girl named Belle Goose, who moves to Switchblade, Oregon, and meets Edwart Mullen, a “super-hot computer nerd with zero interest in girls.” The vampire-obsessed Belle becomes convinced Edwart is one of the undead after witnessing events she considers otherworldly (“Edwart leaves his Tater Tots™ untouched at lunch! Edwart saves her from a flying snowball!”).

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  • Pslightly Psycho

    And EW continues its quest to cover EACH AND EVERY angle of this worthless teen trash.

    • chuck

      you are so right, lol

      • Carmen

        I think everyone who doesn’t like
        Twilight should keep their opinions to themselves. Get over it.

      • Bree

        Gee, Carmen, a bit full of yourself and that stupid, pathetic trash you call a novel, are you? Grow up, you empty-headed fool.

      • Joc

        oh shut up carmen.

      • Teddy Parrott

        i know a person named carmen she hates me.

    • Adam

      Why do you let it get to you? Let the people who like Twilight enjoy it. And you don’t like it, so don’t read stories about it. Just let it go…

      • Summer

        agreed. if you dont like it don’t read it. how hard can that be. i on the other hand love Twilight. so i think this article is pretty funny.

      • Elenore

        I did let it go, but then they compared it to Titanic… That crossed the line, so now we get to laugh and have a little revenge. If you don’t like it don’t read just let go…

      • M

        Why do you let it get to you? Let the people who like reading Twilight parodies enjoy them. And if you don’t like Twilight parodies, don’t read articles about it. Just let it go…

      • anna

        yes i agree but it might be for laughs so let them read it

    • Ruth

      ha ha but they’re making a parody…. it’s like making fun of twilight which i love!

      • Carmen

        I think Nightlight is hilarious, but I do not think it is like making fun of Twilight.

      • Hater:D

        Of course its making fun if twilight, that was a really stupid comment considering it says on the cover of the book A TWILIGHT PARAODY

      • kathy

        agree! you are so right!

  • Chelsea

    I don’t know if it’s that groundbreaking. I’ve seen a handful of other Twilight parody novels, and the humor seems about the same as The Harvard Lampoon’s.

    • nicole oliver

      What other Twilight parody novels are out there? This is the first I’ve seen something like this….

      • sneha Polisetti

        my favorite one the most popular book in the whole world

        There are HUNDREDS more written by small time authors and published on the internet. It’s just not as huge of a thing as this one

  • Chris

    I’ve lost a lot of respect for Harvard since their students harassed Emma Watson. I’m not surprised they would be silly enough to do something like this. Their standards have really gone down.

    • Hannah

      You’re absolutely right. If they’re going to parody something, they could at least do a satire of something of actual literary value. Where are the standards?!

      • Olivia

        I’m not a fan of Twilight, but I think it’s ridiculous when people assume that just because they don’t like something, it has “no value”.
        Many of my friends (who are not teenagers) love this series, and even though I’m not a fan, I respect their opinions and would never say that the series “has no value”. I guess I have too much respect for the experience of reading to just assume that just because I don’t like something, it’s worthless.

      • Kelsey

        Olivia, I actually LIKE reading Twilight, and I STILL think it has no literary value. It’s junk food reading that’s fun for awhile but it’s still crap at its core. It’s fun, but that’s it.
        I think Hannah’s point, however, snarky, was that most satire is focused on “high-brow” LITERATURE, and that Harvard is kind of dumpster-diving by parodying Twilight. Which I agree with. As other people on here have said, making fun of Twilight is too easy.

      • Olivia

        I still disagree. To me, if a novel connects with people on a deep level, it does have value, whether I like it or not. I guess I don’t believe in writing off other peoples’ opinions.
        The guidelines that establish what is and isn’t good literature change over time. In one decade what is considered a “guilty pleasure” may be seen completely differently later in time.
        However, like I said, I don’t presume to make judgments as to which books are “worthless”. I respect that everyone enjoys and connects with different things.

      • Kelsey

        “The guidelines that establish what is and isn’t good literature change over time. In one decade what is considered a “guilty pleasure” may be seen completely differently later in time.”
        Fair enough, but if you’re insinuating that Twilight is destined to become some future generation’s Wuthering Heights, I have to vehemently, although respectfully, disagree. I think it’ll fall off the map as soon as the last film comes out and the kids find the next Big Thing. There are some modern young adult books (Harry Potter, His Dark Materials) that I think have staying power, but not these.

      • Karina

        I am a Twilight fan, and regardless of what Twilight will be in the future, it will always have fans who truly love it.
        I connect with the story, and it means something to me.
        I wish there were more people like Olivia who could at the very least respect that opinion.

      • Olivia

        to Kelsey-
        I’m not a fan of Twilight, so I’m not saying that it will be a classic.
        Although, to play devil’s advocate, at the time of publication, nobody thought that Wuthering Heights would ever be a “classic”.
        I’m also not a fan of Harry Potter, so I’ll have to disagree with you there.
        My point is this:
        I respect that different people connect with and relate to different books. I would never write off something that people love as “worthless” just because I’m not a fan of it.
        LOL, I’ve had to deal with the Harry Potter craze for a lot longer than the Twilight craze…but in both cases I understand it. People are just able to connect to those stories, even though I don’t feel the same way.

      • To Kelsey

        If you like reading it, isn’t that value? What’s wrong with entertainment and pleasure as valuable in and of themselves?

        To proclaim anything has “no value” seems a little snobby.

      • Mary Q. Contrary

        Kelsy, I completely agree with you. I’ve read all four books several times, and I’m too interested for my own good. However, I have always been able to realize that while Stephenie Meyer has hit a nerve in our current culture, her skill as a writer could be called poor at best. Her dialogue is embarrassing, and her prose is incredibly redundant. I feel like Harvard is taking the easy way out and choosing a novel that is childishly simple to parody, not to mention the fact that they are obviously trying to cash in on the current craze. Surely they don’t expect us to be excited and in awe of the fact that they are finally doing another satirical novel, when it’s obviously more of a marketing ploy than anything else.

      • Cathy

        I completely agree with Olivia. To me, something that has affected as many people as Twilight has, is definitely of value. I also don’t believe in deeming something “worthless” just because I’m not a fan of it.

      • JenD

        I’m with Kelsey and Mary Q. I read the first two and yes, enjoyed them- well I finished them. But I felt like I’d downed a bag of Oreo Cookies. While I understand Olivia’s point that these books are somehow connecting with people, I wonder if that’s a good thing in this case. the plot lines are completely ludicrous. I never bought that Edward is so obsessed with Bella just b/c she smells nice. And couldn’t Bella be unique beyond being clumsy. And this idea that the vampires are trying to be normal, so they go to high school is ridiculous– who wants to go back to high school? I don’t think Meyer challenged herself while writing them- in terms of constructing the plot or the individual sentences. I think she just tapped into a fantasy that a lot of women have, namely, that some hot vampire, our culture’s paragon of souless violence, will be so captivated by our beauty that they’ll want to be good and use their superhuman strength to protect us. It’s pretty caveman and reminds me of women who marry men on death row or tell themselves that the guy with anger issues would never hurt “me”. If you ask me it isn’t healthy. It’s one thing to write knowingly about unhealthy relationships, as Bronte did, but Meyers seems to be doing this accidentally, which is the main reason these books can’t be described as having literary value.
        And yes, they are an easy target, Harvard should set its sites higher.

      • D

        Honestly? I bet every single kid who contributed to writing this parody is doing 10 other things that are meaningful and insightful. Let them write a light-hearted parody. Just because they go to Harvard doesn’t mean they have to be spouting Shakespeare all the time and coming up with the next great American novel.

      • Glenn

        Wow mental masturbation much? both of the books don’t give you much except insight into what people are thinking about/attitudes that people had in the times that they were written

    • KatyCharles

      It’s the Harvard Lampoon. Their entire purpose is parody. To say that the entire school is lowering their standards with a light-hearted parody is like saying that an Oscar winning movie can’t also have low-brow comedy in it.

      And you know? I think what’s even more annoying than the Twilight phenomenon (because as much as I enjoy the series and think the mass-hysteria surrounding it is fascinating, it has its annoying moments), is the fact that everyone has to criticize something that’s getting teenagers interested in books again. Yes, it’s a ridiculous story, but it’s fantasy. It’s supposed to be ‘ridiculous.’ High schoolers are using their imaginations again. In my opinion, between fantasy novels topping the hardcover charts for upwards of 60 weeks and TV shows about glee clubs killing in the ratings, this is where the creative minds start ruling the pop culture world. So can we please take a breather from all the negative energy? There has to be something that you nay-sayers are obsessed with… some guilty pleasures? Yeah, and I’m sure you don’t want people knocking them all the time, either. :)

      • Tallulah

        I love you, Katy. Especially about others’ guilty pleasures; that’s EXACTLY what I’ve always been trying to say.
        But I do love the irony of all these deep and meaningful analytical discussions on Twilight’s social and literary purpose, while the book in itself is quite possibly the most simplistic formulation of badly-constructed sentences ever, which the author evidently did not look at twice. Live a little, people.

      • Kate (a Harry Potter nerd)

        Katy-You’re so right! I’m not a Twilight fan at all, but I’ve bugged my friends about it selfishly (what can I say…I’m a teenager ;P). I’ll stop now haha and yeah it’s actually getting people to read

      • Karina A.

        Now, this may just be me (an advanced high schooler who thinks quite highly of herself), but my personal issue with Twilight is that kids my age actually NEEDED this kind of motivation to get their brains going. Come on. How simple can you get? I want to emphasize that I am NOT trying to insult anyone. It’s just that, what with all the things that are wrong with these books; the style in which theyre written to say the least, their morals (I’m sorry to break it to you folks, but the overpowering sex drive in these pages outweighs the underlying theme of abstinence by far)… I mean, seriously? Could you honestly not be motivated by any GOOD book? Please? I think it may just be me, because I do stereotype Americans (in my defense, growing up in Europe and seeing the contrast between the people living on the culturally rich streets of my hometown and the people of the infamous consumer nation gives me reason to stereotype -to a degree- said couch potatoes).
        I am glad, however, that Twilight is, at least, motivating them to begin with. I suppose the unoriginal kids of the world need all the help they can get. Plus, like Tallulah said, these “deep and meaningful” debates really are a product of these books, however mediocre they may be. In fact, it could be said that it is indeed their mediocrity that’s causing all this fuss. Anything to stimulate the mind.
        And no, they are not worthless. No book is worthless. No movie, or song, or any piece of art that is in fact art (that is, a gift from the artist to the world, a reflection of the artist’s soul and self) couls ever rightfully be deemed worthless.

    • I LOVE EDWARD!!!!


      (just kidding)

      • Lucy

        … Ew…

  • Katie

    I’m curious as to how you parody something that is already a barely contained parody of itself.

    • crispy


    • Laci McPhee

      xD zomfg i dont care wat anyone says about it, twilight sux worse then the gay sparkley that people somehow call a “vampire”. I mean really wat vampire sparkles??? THATS NOT NATURAL! plus the story has no point and it is the most absolute rediculous thing ive ever read. i think i died alil bit inside when i read just the first chapter. So, this parody NightLight is GREAT in my opinion. The only thing that waz evr good about twilight is in the second movie with jacob and no shirt xD anywhom, twilight is a waste of time to read and NightLight is amazing for standing up and speaking out to those who are blinded by the brainwashing boringness of twilight.


  • kes

    Hmm, sounds like they sre ripping off fanfic.com, there are already thousands of highly amusing stories available free online.

    • Hannah

      This isn’t “fan fiction,” it’s satire. There’s a difference. And satire like this has been around LONG before fanfiction.net.

      • Em

        “satire”… “fan fic” Tomayto, tomahto… “Satire” is just a snooty word for “condescension.” Satire ain’t art.

      • Jackie

        To Em,

        Webster’s online dictionary defines ‘satire’ as “a literary work holding up human vices and follies to ridicule or scorn” or “trenchant wit, irony, or sarcasm used to expose and discredit vice or folly.” They define ‘parody’ as “a literary or musical work in which the style of an author or work is closely imitated for comic effect or in ridicule.” This does not necessarily equal condescension.

        A GOOD work of satire or parody is extremely difficult to pull of and is a type of art. Have you ever seen a Mel Brooks movie? When you watch them and think about it, they are incredibly clever. THAT is good parody.

        And I did read “Bored of the Rings” a few years ago and found it to be very well done.

  • Rica

    Making fun of Twilight is like making fun of Sarah Palin or David Letterman. Way, way, way too easy. The Lampoon is getting lazy.

  • Susan

    I’m a huge fan of Twilight (the books, not the movie)…but this could be funny.

    The LOTR one was definitely entertaining, LOL.

    Also, the only thing more annoying than EW covering every single piece of Twilight-related news, is all the people who feel the need to come on here and complain about it.
    It baffles me that some people have enough free time to read and comment on an article about something they don’t like.

    • Katie

      Don’t be so sure these people actually read the article.
      And if readers (many of whom, including myself, pay good subscription money to keep EW writers employed) are legitimately sick of coverage, whether it be Michael Jackson, Jon and Kate, or Twilight, they’re well within their rights to TELL EW through whatever means they choose. How else is EW going to know what its readers want if they don’t provide feedback? I don’t want them thinking we’re all pro-Twilight fangirls, which is what the perception would be if only Twihards were allowed to comment on Twilight articles.

      • Trish

        @ Katie:
        I think everyone should be allowed to comment on articles. However, I guess my take on it is that I wouldn’t continuously comment on articles about a book/movie that I can’t stand. That would just make me angry and bitter. I try to spend my time commenting on articles about things that I actually enjoy. That’s just me though.
        In terms of EW readers, there are clearly a lot of Twilight fan who do read these articles. If you’re not one of them, there are PLENTY of other articles to choose from. EW writes articles on a huge number of television shows, films, books, and celebrities.

      • Trish

        I guess I just wouldn’t waste my time reading articles about a topic that makes me angry and bitter. If you don’t like Twilight, there are PLENTY of articles on many other topics that you could read on ew.com.

      • Trish

        Sorry for the second comment, I wasn’t sure if the first one had posted.

      • Em

        Dear EW,

        More Twilight, please.

      • InsouciantFille

        … On the other hand, you’re counting on EW carefully perusing the comments page. If they just look at pageviews/# of comments, you’re giving them the idea that Twilight = more pageviews = more better.

  • Karen

    I love Twilight…but I’m tired of Entertainment Weekly posting DAILY articles about Twilight.

  • Steph

    I’m a huge fan of Twilight, but I agree that the coverage of Twilight is getting excessive.
    I just wish that others who feel the same way could express that without being rude and belittling to those who love Twilight.

    • John

      I think a problem is that Twilight fans seem to take ANYTHING critical of Twilight as being a personal affront to them. I rarely see any posts complaining about excessive Twilight coverage and also PERSONALLY insulting its readers. When I do, I disagree with it. If I say that, in my opinion, Twilight isn’t worth the paper it’s printed on, there are “fans” on here who’d say that I was being mean and insulting to them. Grow a thicker skin.

      • to John:

        I’ve seen MANY commenters personally insult Twilight fans by saying that the ones who aren’t teenagers are “housewives with nothing better to do”. I think that’s a very insulting generalization, and I’ve heard it many times. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but I guess asking people to show respect for each other is to much to ask.

      • Carmen

        Don’t insult Twilight if you don’t like it. Please keep your opinions to yourself.

      • bob

        wow u dont know what ur talking about at all!!! dont say anything if u hav nothing nice to say!!! in other words, SHUT UP!!!

  • Rene Cecilia

    I’m a Twilight fan. I am also a fan of satire (the more the better!), and when it comes down to Twilight, why not? A parody seems like an amazing idea, but in all honesty, this one doesn’t seem…all that hilarious (just by the description, at least). I’d read it, yes, but I’m sure someone could have come up with a more comedic version. Only when I start reading it in store, will I see if it is worthy of my hard earned cash.

    • Em

      Ditto that.

    • Pollyanna

      Gillian Maggs – The photos are btuieaful, I had a look back through all our trips and your shots are a wonderful photographic memory of the fun we had and the btuieaful places we visited. All the photos on the site are stunning I cant wait to have my family photographed by you again. Cant wait for our next trip.

  • Jillian

    I don’t know about you all, but I read “Bored of the Rings” and thought it was hilarious.

    Can’t stand Harvard, but at least they’re smart enough to do something like this in book form.

    I have liked everything that I’ve read so far that makes fun of TWILIGHT, but there have only been things online making fun of it. I’m sure this won’t disappoint as a book.

  • Anita

    To be clear, I’ve read the Twilight books, and I neither love them nor hate them. I guess I’m somewhere in the middle.
    I agree with anyone who says that the writing is far from being great. However, I completely get why people love the series. Even with all its imperfections, it’s like the books have a living, beating “heart’ that drives the story forward. I like the way the New York Times described it…it has that “intangible” quality that makes people want to crawl into the world written by the author.
    People deeply connect to the characters, and the depth of the love between them.
    The series isn’t for me, but I still completely understand why there are so many obsessed fans.

  • Adam

    People need to relax. If people want to read and enjoy Twilight let them. It doesn’t make you cool or different just to hate it because its popular. Same type of people who won’t listen to a band anymore after their songs are played on the radio..they are just way too cool for that.

  • Bellatrix Lestrange

    Beware, Im a witch. I would at this point rather wipe my backside with Twilight than read it. I hear about it when no one really cares. Do you know what that is called- OVEREXPOSURE! It turns people off fast.

    • Kate (a Harry Potter nerd)

      I totally agree! I’m not a big Twilight fan at all! But this book does sound pretty funny. Do you think I’d like Nightlight if I don’t like Twilight?

      • Carmen

        Harry Potter is gruesome.

      • Veneshiree

        Floor Press: 5 135 3 185 3 205 2 215 1 225 Different experience than I was eneictpxg.I can’t do double unders yet, subbed singles instead of tuck jumps.1: 22/12/522: 21/14/643: 20/15/674: 20/17/79I would say I failed to properly warm up mind & body for this.

  • Evelyn

    I think everyone is taking this thing WAYYY to serious. if you like it, great! If you dont, then why bother?
    Its a fictional novel … nothing more, nothing less!!

    • I don’t think ya need to know.

      Your right. People are acting like this is a life or death situation. Don’t even bother replying people who are taking this seriously.

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